The Purple Jar

At
last, it is over. One year of our lives given to the sacrifice that law
students all over the country have to make in order to finally cross
the line and be able to declare "we are lawyers".

It was only
yesterday that I was able to go back to my tita’s place in Mandaluyong
where I had a room to myself as I spent more than five months reviewing
for the Bar.  I went there to fix all my bar stuff to be passed on as
"inheritance" for Loudette, one of my anaks in the sor who’s taking it
this year.  I even told my tita not to touch my stuff, just in case i
don’t make it.  And being there had an eerie, haunting feeling. This
was whereI isolated my otherwise A.D.D. self from tv and the internet
last year to be able to focus more on the toil of reading and
studying.  I remember how i counted the days, how i highlighted each
day that passed in my customized "Bar calendar", and the feeling of
utter desolation from being confronted with the inevitable fact that I
had nothing to look forward to except more and more days of study. 

I
remember there was this one day, I was studying outside in the garden
and the day almost about to reach the moment of sunset (my favorite
time of day, in any other occasion except during that time) and the
feeling that it’s turning dark and all I had been doing the whole day
was study and all i had to do (and all that i ever could or should do)
for the rest of the night was to STUDY.  I remember that I was texting
then with Viv and Polka and i remembered feeling so lonely.  It was a
burden that yes, I shared with all my friends and sisters and brods
that were also going to take the exam but unmistakably, it was also a
burden that each of us had to carry alone–the crux of disciplining
oneself, of trusting in one’s abilities, of being able to say with
conviction that one has given it his or her all., if not one’s best.

The
whole process was not an easy task. It demanded and yes, it took a lot
from us. And to some, to a greater extent than others.

I
have been vindicated, for all that I have done, for all that I have
not.  But that is not to say that those who did not make it did not
sacrifice as much, nor that they toiled less.  I know them and of them,
I know what they have been through and if only it was a matter of sheer
effort and determination, then they deserve to pass as much as the rest
of us who did. 

***

Thank
you to all of you who have sent their greetings of congratulations.
Thank you to everyone who have prayed for me.  Thank you to everyone in
my family–my mom, my dad, my brother, Tita Letty and Tita Gay — for
the unconditional love and the unwavering support, despite all the
demands, despite all the hardships. You have been my rock not just
during the Bar and its aftermath, but always.

Thank
you to the sisters–to Archon Kata, to my babies, to the resident
sisters, to the alumnae–for being there for us aaalllll the way.  This
year, it’s our turn naman.  We will stand by all the sisters who will
take it, just as you were all there for us.

Thank
you to my G4 girls–Polka, Sands, and Aissa–for the steadfast
friendship and love.  To Aissa, for being my telebabad mate all
throughout the bar, for quelling my countless panic attacks [the
legendary anti-Bar Blues method of Ms. Llave to follow in another post,
as promised!], and for epitomizing the word "coolness" in the review
and in the exam.  To Polka, for all the snack

breaks  in Ateneo and for being the uber-dependable text rant partner
and for bringing us all to Manaoag. To Sands, for being the sagely
counselor and gourmet food provider (pizza party!) and for being the
best listening ear and advice giver and office mate.Sands, you know i
would not have survived my post-bar life without you.  To all of you,
for being just over-all the three of the greatest friends in the world!
Syet, 100%!!! (and ms. gan, the proper "caption" of this 1st bar night pic was: how we will feel when we learn that we passed the bar!)

To
Vivian Tan, my setmate, ka-batch, Vice Archon,Most Outstanding Deltan
of 2006 and now, Bar Top 10 placer!! I know you’ve been through a lot.
But see how it all turned out so well for you You of all people deserve it and I am so proud of you.

To
the UP Law community, to Winlaw, to LSG, thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you to everyone who’s part of our barops. Thank you to PY for her
leadership and thank you to everyone who proved that we are indeed One
UP Law. And special thanks goes out to Sir Teddy Te. You don’t how much
your inspiring and enlightening text messages have helped. And thank
you for your prayers for our batch.  I will never forget your welcome
sight along the UP tent each and every Bar Sunday.

To my CSPD
(and Tax) girls,Vera, Sands and Christine. it was the best waiting for
the Bar results with you.  I will never forget all our fearless
forecasts  and all our news proliferation (as early as January, man!)
and of course, the priceless look on Ms. T’s face as she called up the
PICC and pretend that she’s part of PMAP who wants to book an event to
find out the exact dates that the Supreme Court has booked the
oathtaking!

To
UP College of Law Class of 2007, I am proud of each and everyone of
you. I am proud that I belong to this batch.  We may now be on our
separate paths –some faced with the challenge of our careers, some
with that of braving the bar again– but we will always have our four
or five years together in Malcolm and our Bar journey with us, always
giving us something to look back on, and to unite us despite the time
and the distance.

And
to you…my god, we have been through so much.  Apparently, it was not
only I who had undergone the most difficult exam of my life so far but
also you, also us. You may not be perfect, but you were there, you held
my hand, you comforted me, you kissed and hugged all my fears away. And
afterwards, you gave me the best reason to hope and to believe that I
deserve to pass. You made me realize that I had to pay a price to get
here and you made me realize that if that was indeed the price I had to
pay in order to make it, then it was definitely worth it.  Because you
showed me that anything worth having is worth sacrificing for, worth
crying for, worth giving myself for. And now, I made it, we made it.
And we’re still here, holding hands.

A
chapter of our lives have ended. We can now put all that behind us now,
bringing only the lessons and the wonderful memories.  I still believe
that the making the Bar exams does not in any way guarantee that one
will be a good or great lawyer.  Unlike the Bar, that test will take
not just a year of our lives but a whole lifetime.  We have not become
lawyers just by the mere fact that we passed the bar. We’ve started to
become lawyers the day we stepped inside law school and decided that
we’re going to see it through.We’ve started to become lawyers the day
we decided that we love the law, we love justice. And that is a choice
that we still make today.   I have not turned into lawyer overnight. I
am still becoming. 

It was and remains to be an honor to go on this journey with all of you. Thank you. Maraming maraming maraming salamat.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 16th, 2008 at 11:40 pm and is filed under Law. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.